benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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