u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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