That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
