She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
