Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
