Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
