We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
