Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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