if you like me you must not know who I am
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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