The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
