He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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