That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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