i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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