My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize