i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
