Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
