I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
