I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hippo gnu deer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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