Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
