I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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