Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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