TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
