Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
