you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
