A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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