Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
