I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
