the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
