She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
