New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
