You really coming over, don't trick.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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