suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
