Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
