Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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