guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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