I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The best revenge is premature balding
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
