You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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