I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
17 year olds will be the death of me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
