I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
