I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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