I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
