I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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