I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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