oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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