My underwear smells like fireworks.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
