Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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