She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
