the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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