um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
