um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
