Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
