I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
