I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
