apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
