They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
