What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
