After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You dont lie about slip and slides
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
