I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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