Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
