at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
