God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
