Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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