Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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