pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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