I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
