1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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