I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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