why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
