I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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