Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
