His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
