i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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