Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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