Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
