every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
